The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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