Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
