your room smells of hookers.
And success
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
