So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
