It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk is not a location!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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