I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
