Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize