dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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