Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
