This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
