with your own penis?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
