I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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