just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
