I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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