I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
