Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
