he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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