Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
