i was born a porn star she said
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
