you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
