Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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