i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
