got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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