After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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