Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
