are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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