walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
