I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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