I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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