remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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