Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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