Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
