She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
