I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
