Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
