guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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