tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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