I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
