i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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