I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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