We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
