you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
