Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
