plz talk dirty to me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
