i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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