last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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