he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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