Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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