you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
