Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You smell like a Billy Joel song
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
