one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
