So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
