Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
