do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
