please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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