They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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