how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
