its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Text me some of your sweat
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
