I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
