I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
