theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
