hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize