i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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