And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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